The Happiness Pinnacle

Silhouette Jumping for Joy

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”
― Abraham Lincoln

I am the happiest I have been in such a long time. I almost forgot what it felt like to be happy for an extended period of time. It’s magical…it’s amazing…it’s bringing chills to my body as I just think about it, yes, with a smile on my face.

Wait! I hear you. Your at the Bullying Recovery site and this guy is writing about happiness. What is that about? Well, the truth is that it’s at this time that I am feeling an extended happiness that I probably haven’t felt in many years. I’ve been patiently waiting for this moment to be able to write this post and share it with you. The truth is that I think it’s good for you or whoever you share this post with to know that, even with a past riddled with that negativity of abuse and even with all that so many of us have been through, we are allowed…wait, change that…we deserve to have these moments of happiness.

Yes, I know I just said moments. While this feels great right now and all the stars have aligned for me at this moment, I am not naive to believe that happiness is going to be forever. As I have written before, it is a fleeting feeling and eventually, the balance of our lives forces us to have our sadness too. So, while I have this extended feeling of happiness, I am also realizing the steps to get to this point. I want to share some of the things that I believe allowed this to happen:

Honesty 

I was holding something from someone I cared about and I sat them down and told them the full truth, knowing that I would have to deal with the repercussion of doing so. But something happened when I let that off my chest. I felt like I did the right thing. Maybe what I did that I had to come clean about was wrong, but I now allow myself to make mistakes and understand that it is just the course of life. In the end, I believe the other person was glad I was honest, even if it hurt a little. But it was painful to me. Now it is out and I move on without the guilt of anything at this moment.

Help

Sometimes we are all overwhelmed. This can lead to unhappiness and even stress, the gateway feeling to anxiety and depression. I was quite overwhelmed at work. Staff I depended on quit and everything was feeling like a weight on my shoulders. Then, over the next four weeks, I hired and got four new staff that are great to work with. Yes, it was hard and stressful for a while, but now I get to feel the opposite. I love working with people, so now I feel so much happier with work. It’s this small help that has changed my feelings. But when I talk about help, I talk about it in more general terms. I also have been able to talk to people this week that help me, by pointing me in new directions. We all need help and need to know when to ask for it. Help comes in many forms and I have found help in so many ways. Mindfulness, coaching, talk therapy, working with others. What do you need? How do you find things that help you? I spent many years working to identify what helps me. Maybe it’s not overnight, but now I know where to go when I need help in many situations.

Healing

Heck, how long do you want to feel sad, bad, depressed, and down? We all deserve to heal old wounds and close the door on a dark period and move on. When we don’t allow that to happen, our wounds won’t close and trust me, until you put the band-aid on it yourself, it will not heal. Yes, I am happy, so it is easy to say this right now. But it’s something I have to hear as well when this fleeting happiness moves away. I will mention again one of my favorite acronyms that my friend who has bipolar taught me. CANEI – Constant And Never-Ending Improvement. That gets me through many of the days of my life now. There is no perfection, just the practice of improvement and moving forward. That is my true way to find healing.

So here I am, hopefully sharing my current state of happiness with you and at the end of this week’s article a hope that you might also be happy or find an extended state of happiness. I know, it is fleeting and will not last forever. I even know that tomorrow could change it. But I don’t worry or predict the future anymore. I don’t wallow in the past anymore. I simply stay present and work on the CANEI as I can. I wish you the same and hope, after reading these words, you find maybe the sides of your mouth moving upward and allowing yourself to feel happy in this moment. You deserve it too.

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About bullyingrecovery

Alan Eisenberg is a Certified Life Coach with a niche in bullying and abuse recovery, Bullying Recovery activist, and author of "A Ladder In The Dark: My journey from bullying to self-acceptance". and "Crossing the Line". He has been writing and speaking to various audiences about the issue of C-PTSD and Bullying Recovery. Mr. Eisenberg has been featured on several print, radio shows and podcasts on this issue, including NPR and in the Boston Globe
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