Choosing Sides (A Personal Story)

Taylor shared this very personal story of her time being bullied. It shows the pain that comes when people you trust break that through their actions. Imagine that it happens to you all the time. How would you be as you grow up? Will you trust anyone around you? How will you treat others? This can be a life long lesson from just these few years. Something we should all know and understand. ~Alan Eisenberg

I was bullied from 8 – 10th grade. By three girls. They made me feel horrible. It got to the point where I told the Guidance Counselors at school and broke down crying in the middle of gym class one day.

In 8th grade, two of these girls acted like they were my friends; They acted very good. I was dumb enough to believe them. Most of the problems came because they found out that I had a crush on a boy. They would say things to him that weren’t true. And they would do the same to me. They got my hopes up, making me believe he liked me too. But I should’ve known better. One day, I needed a pencil for class. They gave me one. I found out later that it was the guy I had a crush on pencil. I immediately threw away the pencil. The next day a rumor flew around that I put that pencil in a place where only Tampons should go…. A few weeks later, I forgave them…I knew they started the rumor..I knew it. They began saying next that I should come spend the night with them. I said “I will ask my mother.” I knew she would say no. Then the next day when I told them no, they began saying I only wanted to stay with them so I could see the boy. One time also, I was outside in front of the school, I said “Oh I hope the teacher doesn’t come.” Not meaning anything by it. In class, the teacher wasnt there. I freaked out. I told my friend. “Oh no! What if she got in a car accident and died because of what I said?!” I was so worried. But she came the next day, and I was so relieved. But in the middle of class those 2 girls yelled out “Yesterday Taylor said she wished you died!” They would throw stuff at me and little things.

I can’t really remember anything from 9th grade. I’ve pretty much blocked it out.

In 10th, the two same girls, and me had an argument. I don’t know why, but we did. And during Advisory at school. They were talking about me and sat near me. So I minded my own business and did my homework. Then one of the girls, she came over and stuck a sticky note on my back. It said “Kick me!” And she thought it was so funny! The next week that girl wasnt there. The other girl was there but not the one who put the sticky note on me. So that girl was talking about me, and I told argued with her during advisory and even we were arguing when the bell rang, and I walked out of the classroom and headed to my next class and she was following me and yelling at me, saying “Come back friend! I aint done talking to you!” Her and a new friend of hers, would talk about me to their friends (Which were also mine, might I add) And I couldn’t take it. I already had so much going on. So in the middle of class one day…I cried…I just couldn’t quit crying. The teacher tried cheering me up by making jokes, but it didn’t help. so he let me leave to the guidance counselors. I told them about it and they told the girls “She feels as if your bullying her. Now can we stop. Next time action will be taken.” (Something along those lines.)

They stopped for a while. I know we had little arguments every now and then. But nothing as bad as to make me cry.

That summer! They were being mean to my best friend! So I told them to stop. And threw it in my face that I had friends from India and stuff. And they got mad cause I stuck up for my best friend. They told me I had no friends, so I told them it too.

They use to always get jealous that my best friend would hang out with me and she wouldn’t hang out with them. So, recently, just Thursday Night. They asked my best friend “Wanna go camping?” she said that she was hanging out with me. And one of them had the nerve to ask me “Wanna go camping with us? I havent see you in forever!”
So I yelled at her…I threw everything at her that she and her friends did to me and I called them names (I know…the name calling was not right. It makes me no better than them…)
Because I was upset and mad and all these emotions, I sent her this message. She sent it to her other friends. The other bully from 10th grade went off on me. She was cursing at me. And I told her to stay out because it’s not between her. The message was between me and someone else. She was mad.

The next day at school, I told my close friend about the fight. And she told the bullies I was talking about them….so what happened. One of the bullies texted me and was yelling at me. And my friend said “You shouldnt tell everyone about that fight. You wouldn’t want them calling you rude names when you called them that and it was so long ago.” (Pretty much this)

I’m pretty sure she is upset with me. And another friend of mine is also upset with me because that bully is her best friend.
They say “We dont want to choose sides.” But they did. I told them “You choose sides because you want to. Because you want to!”
They don’t understand…they really dont…These girls made my life hell..and then they ask me to go camping? I got upset! I was so angry! All the memories of everything they did to me came flooding back at once! ((I’ll admit, Me calling them names was bad. I even told them that.))

But now It seems I’m losing friends left and right…except my best friend…but they don’t understand why I did what I did…and they just jump the gun and wont try to see…they just won’t see..

I’m not sure what to do anymore…I dont know why they ever thought it fun to pick on me in the first place…


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About Alan Eisenberg

Alan Eisenberg is a Certified Life Coach, Bullying Recovery activist and author of "A Ladder In The Dark: My journey from bullying to self-acceptance" and "Crossing the Line". He has been writing and speaking to various audiences about the issue of C-PTSD and Bullying Recovery. Mr. Eisenberg has been featured on several print, radio shows and podcasts on this issue, including NPR and in the Boston Globe. He is currently working toward his Master's Degree in Mental Health Counseling.
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  1. Thank you for sharing this personal story of Taylor. It’s not easy losing a friend. But for me, a friend that bullies you shouldn’t consider be as a friend. If they are real friends, they should’ve understand you and not do things that hurts you even not physically but emotionally. Real friends supports each other.

  2. Taylor, first i want to say that there is nothing wrong with you at all. Even though I don’t know you, I know that no one deserves the treatment you’ve been getting. I also know that it’s too easy for others to leave a comment and give the ” answer’ to everything.
    Believe it or not adults get bullied and have drama galore also, so it doesn’t really stop it just gets a little more sophisticated. Adults can and do lie about others and cause them to lose jobs or ruin their reputation, so it seems the problem is not just a teen problem but is a character problem that has gotten very bad the last 30 years or so.
    What I’m going to say will not take away the hurt but it will give you power over your emotions and give you power over the words of others. It’s not easy but it’s an old trick. First value yourself because you are worth more than any hurtful words. Keep telling yourself that those words and actions of your so-called friends are not who you really are. I used to tell my kids to ask themselves is what they are saying true and they would always say no and I would tell them, “Then that’s what you live by.”
    The other thing is forgiving them. Forgiving them does not mean you condone their actions but it just puts your own emotional power back in your own hands. It’s not easy, for any age group, but it does work as long as you keep forgiving everytime the old memory comes back or if any new bullying is done towards you.
    You may have to call the principle or maybe even the police if it gets close to any physical abuse. I hope this helps and I hope you can find some new friends who support you and are honest and loyal to you. They are out there so don’t give up.

  3. i totally unbderstand why you sweared at them yes it was not okay for you to do that but really i relate to your story.
    i suggest you go for councelling it helps talking about things really it does and you can email me still if you ever need someone to talk to.

  4. hun i used to get bullied when i was in school to. they used to call me monkey because i had a big ear they used to call me a whore and talk about me behind my back. i got hit and pushed and told i was gonna get killed. i did not have very many friends in school. really i had one friend and his name was mike. i hope you see that school is only a short time your there. the ppl who make fun of you r feeling bad inside. dont let them run your life! this is your life and one good friend is better then 100 fake friends. high school kids make fun of anyone who is not what they like or seem small to them. im 26 now and hs kids still will yell things at me. i just laugh and keep walking because i know now that what they say now dont matter to me or ever really did. dont look for accptiance be you and if someone dont like you oh well. once you stop paying attention to them they will go away because they have small minds and get bored easily. when your out of schol youll get new friends who treat you right. there will be some haters through out your life but youll find our quick. keep your head up and keep being you. i tired to kill myself when they used to bully me and now i see that i will not let anyone take my life or make me do it. im me and thats great because im one of a kind and the people who are my friends knwo i m a great person. keep trucking lady. your awsome.

  5. Thank you everyone for the supportive comments. I truly appreciate them. <3

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