Bullying Victim Blaming

Finger pointing
If you reveal your secrets to the wind, you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. Khalil Gibran

In 1979, I was involved in bullying victim blaming. This is when the bullying victim is somehow looked at as causing the bully to bully them. I think of this in much the same way as we treat some rape victims. When they get to court, the defense peppers them with questions such as:

  • What were you wearing?
  • Maybe it was provocative?
  • Did you drink a lot?
  • Did you lead the person on like you wanted to have sex with them?

Does it really matter? The person was raped and they didn’t want to be. A bully survivor is bullied for many reasons, most of which they can’t change and many school administrators think that blaming is a philosophy that works. It doesn’t and has been studied to not work. So why do we still do it? My incident was in 1979 and then I watched it repeated in the movie “Bully” in 2013. This is one thing we have to change and realize it causes more harm than good.


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About bullyingrecovery

Alan Eisenberg is a Certified Life Coach with a niche in bullying and abuse recovery, Bullying Recovery activist, and author of "A Ladder In The Dark: My journey from bullying to self-acceptance". and "Crossing the Line". He has been writing and speaking to various audiences about the issue of C-PTSD and Bullying Recovery. Mr. Eisenberg has been featured on several print, radio shows and podcasts on this issue, including NPR and in the Boston Globe
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  1. Pingback: Bullying Victim Blaming | Bullying Stories

  2. Bully victim blaming is understandable but wrong. Unfortunately, I find myself playing the blame game in various facets of life. As a novelist, I blame certain agents for not “getting” my writing nor my subject matter.
    Now in my 60s, I look back and see what I should have done, should have said ten, twelve years ago. To quote David Beckham, “Hindsight is a wonderful thing.” Indeed.

  3. This is an excellent point – thanks Alan

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